My Dandelion

I am a person, with feelings, believe it or not. And I have ears, and can hear things.

It’s really frustrating when you act like I don’t exist and you’re constantly mean to me. I have feelings, and it hurts.

Thank you.

But I will stay strong because I have God.

Hello peoples! I wanna know if y’all have read/will read the story I was in the semi middle of. I don’t want to keep writing it if only my mom want’s to read it. And I have gotten zippo comments on it. So let me know please =D

**Spoiler Alert***

So the top at the end, does it stay spinning or does it fall?

I say it falls, b.c he let go of Mols, which means that he can escape his dream world. Plus if he let go of her than he would stand strong on his determination to not see his children’s faces in his dreams. Which means that he was in real life.

Or maybe the whole movie was a dream?

lol j/k but for real.

best movie ever, can’t wait to see it everyweek and only pay $1 each time!

I just want to throw a few thank you’s out to some people.

I just want to thank you for making me smarter, and for helping me get closer to God. You may not know it, but everything that happened helped me. After rock bottom, I can only go up, and up’s looking great right now! Also, thank you for helping me to realize that there’s not many people in this world I can trust, let alone who aren’t selfish. But I know there are some, b.c you have helped me make myself not one of those people. Thank you for making me realize in the future, things need to go a lot differently.

And thank you for making me so much stronger, and  better person!

I had the weirdest dream last night.

Bri, my mom, and I were dress shopping b.c I was getting married to my ex in a week. However, Zach and I were still broken up and he still hated me. It was strange. So i called him to see where we were going for our honey moon, and he almost didn’t but than ACTUALLY TALKED TO ME. That’s when I knew it was a dream

bahahahahahaahaha

I successfully have made today a good day!

I want to go to the top of a mountain and yell I am a person

and I am God’s child.

And if no one else hear’s me

I know HE will!

I wish I still knew who everyone is… but everyone has changed to much.

I’m teaching on purity at action on Thursday. It’s crazy to think how I can screw it up but God can always forgive to. And then I can move on to talk about it.

He’s awesome

This is me, choosing who to talk to…

b.c sometimes it feels like no one else will listen.

So Grumble, grumble grumble.

I’m done.

Chapter One: What Happened?

She lifted her head as high as she could manage. She felt the blood around her body, and knew something was broken, but everything was so numb. Her head fell back down and hit the concrete. Her lips were dry and she couldn’t muster even a small ‘help’. She was lost, alone, beaten, and afraid. She tried to move her legs, but they didn’t respond. Her arms were numb and she didn’t even know where they were entangled. She forced her eyes open, but only could see out of one eye. After letting it focus she looked around. Black. There was no one around. Her hearing finally started to come back and she could hear the sound of a siren. But she knew it wasn’t coming for her. What if he comes back she thought. She attempted to lift her head again, this time with success. She looked down to see her pants were no where in sight, and her arms were both on her left side, no doubt the right arm was broken. Her legs were entangled in one another and one was bent the wrong way. She felt no pain only fear. What if he comes back was the only thought she could muster. Her head hit the ground again.

She woke up and stood up. She looked around wondering where she was. Next to her was her baby sister Carlie who had died during birth. Carlie looked older now, and so beautiful. She tried to yell Carlie you’re beautiful! but no sound escaped. Her sister grabbed her hand and led her to an ocean that appeared in front of her eyes. Carlie ran in the ocean and giggled in the waves that kept hitting her beautiful white dress.

“Can you hear me? If you can hear me please move something you’re going to be okay.” She could hear a man’s voice out of nowhere, and Carlie was slipping away. She yelled, “NO!” but again nothing came out. She tried to run toward Carlie but the earth was moving away. She could see her body, mangled and laying hopeless on the ground.

“Is she dead?” She heard another man’s voice. “I’m not sure, if she is, she won’t live much longer. We need to get her in the ambulance now.” She didn’t want to leave Carlie, she tried to fall back into the world that she had left. Carlie! she tried to yell, the only sounds she could hear were the men’s voices and noise around her.

“Did you hear that?” One man said. Everyone stopped and listened. No, Carlie, no. It was faint but distinct, the girl was speaking. “She’s alive!” One man yelled. They rushed her to the ambulance and took off.

She saw Carlie again, this time with a group of people behind her all in white. They were telling her to come with them, beckoning her. But she couldn’t move, her legs were glued, she reached for Carlie but Carlie and the others disappeared.

“OXYGEN STAT!” A woman was yelling, everything was buzzing, there was something bright shining in her eyes.

She walked toward the bright light, and there stood a group of people all in white, smiling. Carlie wasn’t there. Where’s Carlie, she asked. No one moved. They all smiled and stood still.

“She is loosing blood fast, we need more blood for her” this time a man, or was it a woman?

She felt a small hand grab her hand. She looked down and saw Carlie. Carlie! she exclaimed. This time words came out. Carlie motioned for her to come down to her level. She did. It’s not your time. Stay on earth, you can’t see me anymore. You need to be there, with them. She didn’t know what she meant, but Carlie hugged her legs and ran.

“Can you hear me? Are you there?” There was a loud voice booming in her ears. She tried to cover them up, but nothing would move. All she could do was cringe.

“If you can hear me, could you twitch your fingers for me, or blink your eyes?” The voice again, but what was it saying? She just wanted Carlie back.

“She doesn’t seem to be responding… How much longer are we going to keep her on the ventilators? We don’t even know who she is, or if she has a family.”

What was he saying? Ventilators?

“We’ll give her until tomorrow to respond, by then she will have reached the maximum we have to wait.”

It was a woman’s voice this time. The maxium? she thought… maxium what?

“Come on, it’s time to let her be for the night. All we can do is hope.” The woman’s voice again.

“I want to try one last time before I leave.” The man this time.

“If you can hear me, please, twitch your fingers, your toes, do something that will let me know you’re in there. Please.”

There was silence. Than a loud noise, like a gun shot, it hurt her head. She cringed her eyes, and it stopped.

“Did you just… did you just move? If it was you, do it again!”

And the gun shot again, she cringed once more.

“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! She’s alive!”

The man was yelling, she had an awful headache she wanted him to shut up.

“I saw you cringe, now will you please try to open your eyes for me?”

She didn’t move, her head was pounding and she didn’t want to make an effort.

“Okay, if not today, we will tomorrow. We will work on this together, it’s just great to know you’re alive!”

Then there was silence again. She tried to drift back into the place where Carlie was, but she couldn’t. She was at an ocean, but there was no Carlie.

“Okay, we’re going to try this again to prove you’re alive. If you can hear me please cringe again!” It was the annoying man again, and then gun shots. Her eyes twitched and a gasp escaped around the room.

“Thank you” she heard. “Now will you try to open your eyes for me?”

Again she did not move, she just wanted silence.

“It’s okay Jack, she’s alive, and twitching her eyes was probably hard enough, let’s give her a break, she’ll make progress” It was the woman again.

She saw the ocean again, this time there was a storm. The waves were crashing heavily upon the shore, but kids were playing in the water. She looked at the faces and saw Carlie again. She ran to collect her before she got knocked out by a wave. But she was to late. Carlie was laying on the beach, her dress and hair drenched, and sand coating her body. She picked her up and cried. But than she heard someone mutter Open your eyes. It was Carlie, she was alive! Open your eyes! She heard again. But she didn’t want to. She wanted to stay with Carlie. Open your eyes! … But Carlie, I want to be with you she said. You can’t be with me, open your eyes now! Her eyes shot open and she saw a bright light, it hurt so she closed them again.

“You did it! You opened your eyes!” It was the man, the same one who shot the gun in her ear. “Can you open them again for me? And try to keep them open?” She slowly opened them and blinked a few times. It took a minute for her to focus, but once she did, she saw her body, limp, no movement from any part. She couldn’t move her neck left or right because there was something heavy on it. The man leaned in front of her face. “Good, good, now there’s going to be a bright light.” He shined a light in front of her and she closed her eyes again.

“Now don’t do that, I need to make sure you’re in there! Open them again for me when you’re ready.” She waited a minute than opened her eyes. “Good! Looking good!” he said. “My name is Jake and I am your primary caretaker. I am the one the discovered you were still in there!” She looked at him, but her eyes felt heavy, she began to shut them but he stopped her.

“Wait, wait, I will let you sleep in a minute, but first can you speak? Try telling me your name.” She opened her mouth but nothing came out.

“Well wait, first I need to wet those lips!” She felt something cold touch her lips and she tried again, but the only thing that escaped her mouth was Carlie.

Chapter 2: Who Am I?

The black curtain fell over her eyes again. She saw a woods, and she felt Carlie was here, but she didn’t know where. She entered the forest and weaved her way around the trees. Carlie she yelled. Carlie, come out come out wherever you are. She began to run, laughing while she ran, this was a fun game. Carlie, she continued to yell. All of a sudden there was a rustling in a bush, she turned around briskly and yelled Carlie!

Her eyes jet open. “Good morning”, it was the annoying man again. “It’s good to see you awake and alert Carlie.” She twisted her lips. Carlie… why was he calling her Carlie?

“Now we are going to try to move the rest of your body today, but first can you tell me if you know your last name Carlie?” She thought for a moment. He had called her Carlie, as if it was her name, but what was her name?

“If you can’t remember Carlie that’s fine, We need to figure out what you do and don’t remember.”

She shook her head as best she could. “My name’s… not… Carlie” barely escaped her lips.

“What’s that?” the man asked .

“My name’s… not… Carlie.” she managed to choke out once more.

He looked at her with a puzzled look, “you’re not Carlie? I’m sorry, when I asked you’re name that’s what you said. What is your name if it’s not Carlie?”

She shook her head again and closed her eyes. Name… name. Why can’t I remember my name?

“It’s okay if you can’t remember, it seems you have amnesia, but considering we didn’t know if you would live or not, that’s not a bad break.”

She opened her eyes and tears welled up. She didn’t even know who she was, why she was in the hospital, what happened to her, or what was wrong with her. She didn’t even know if she had a family. All she knew was Carlie was dead, and wanted her to stay on earth.

“It’s okay sweetie, it’s okay. This is very normal for people with your extent of injuries. Don’t worry about remembering yet. We will work on it, and help you out, but for today, let’s see what still works. How does that sound?”

She nodded, tears still running down her cheeks. If her brain wouldn’t work she hoped at least her body did. She knew she had a voice, but she didn’t know if anything else would work.

“Okay, I am going to touch each of your fingers with a pin, if you can feel it, nod your head, or better yet wiggle your fingers if you can, if you can’t I will put more pressure, and the same thing will happen. If there is no response, I will move on to the next finger. Okay here we go.”

She pursed her lips and closed her eyes, anticipating pain to enter her body. She waited, but felt nothing. No pain, no pressure, nothing. She waited longer, thinking he might be taking longer than she had planned, but still nothing. She opened her eyes and looked at the doctor. He was pressing the pin on her middle finger now, pressing harder. She could see the two red spots from where he had pressed the pin on her pointer finger and thumb.

Tears began running down her cheeks, she knew what this meant, but she didn’t want to face reality. Her memory was gone, wiped clean like a slate, and now she was crippled as well. Never able to run, or dance, or skip again. Dance. She could see a girl floating across the stage like an angel. But whom was the spectacular girl dancing across the stage like a beautiful image from heaven.

Her eyes shot open again, she felt that, pressure, like a needle pushing in her skin. “Ow.” She quietly gasped. Jake looked up, and pressed again, “Ow… stop… I feel it!” She choked out. Feeling. In her toe, that had to be a good sign! The doctor moved on to the next toe, and again she felt pressure and nodded her head. He smiled while she nodded her head for pain at every toe.

“Great! That’s a good sign! That means all your toes are functioning, it’s just those fingers we need to get working, but don’t worry about that, it will be fixed in time. You’ve had a long day, why don’t you get some sleep.”

She closed her eyes. But sleep didn’t come this time. All she could think about was who was she, did she have a family, and what was going to happen next.

The next day Jake came in the room again. “Alright, how are you doing today? Do you remember anything yet? Usually amnesia wears off, but not always.” She thought again, but couldn’t remember. All of a sudden she heard a whisper in her head Mady. The name seemed familiar, but she didn’t know what it was. She shook her head again, but then the name again Mady. She opened her mouth but closed it again. Who was Mady and why was the name coming to her head. But before she could say anything, she heard it again. “Mady” she said, “I think… my name is… Mady.”

If there’s a party in Heaven everytime someone gets saved, than their needs to be a party on the earth b.c one of my friends got saved this week =D

So happy!!

BTW if you read this lol, pray for the people of the TV school district. The memorial for the 2 kids who died today was rough and I know so many are suffering from every end of the school. So many are my friends and I just wish I could do something, but the only thing to be done is to pray to the one who answers prayers =]

Thank you all!

OR

AND what’s so wrong about one person wanting to stand while they worship?

Because it’s “not how things work here”.

Where is the passion for God? Opposed to the rules?

Isaiah 29:13 “These people come near me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.  Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men.” 

I can’t believe how those kids from my highschool were killed…

worst part about it being that the week before, I had wished that I would be injured in a way like that b.c I didn’t think anyone would miss me or feel sorry…

i’m sorry I ever had thoughts like that =[ Those kids will surely be missed and it’s insane how we NEVER know when it will be our last breath.

Which means we need to live life to the fullest, and expect that any day can be your last!

Is pretty stoked if Kayla draws me a canvas of a giraffe to take to school.

That’d be saweet!!!

I don’t know whether to be excited or just normal…

I mean in reality it’s going to freshman year alll over again.

And yeah i was excited for freshmen year, but I already did this all, and frankly, I don’t want to again.

But hey we press on.

How many times does one apologize for the same thing, before giving up? I know God says 70x7, but if the person won’t forgive you, or talk to you, do you keep apologizing?

Idk…

I have never been this, i don’t know what to call it, confused, depressed, unworthy, not wanting to live… just w/e in my life. i have made more enemies this summer than I have had in my whole life….

what in the world is wrong with me?

I don’t know who i am anymore…

I am so lost, and I am so sick of people lying to me.

I would rather every single one of my friends tell me they hate me than lie to me about it and pretend to be my friend…

Really, please be aware, I am not an idiot… I pick up on things quick and I can read emotions so I know when people aren’t okay.

And if you lie to me about it, than I will think you’re mad at me.

I give up caring about stuff, life’s just a huge disappointment right now, and idk what to do to make it better…

is there even anything to do?

Probably not… I can tell my depression has not gone away..

screw this.

I really wish things were easier all the time…

tough, that’s life eh?

It’s nap time!

Really, you’re flipping hilarious…

Just sooooo humorous!

better start digging, that’s all i’m gonna say!

Got a pleco today =] Now all my fishies are in a 10 gallon tank, but I am only taking Gilbert and Gabby back to school… I don’t like my other 4- 2 adopted and 2 carnival lol. But I forgot one of their names :O

I am an awful mother!

OKay I really gotta study for tests at chip!

Hm. Brand new at this! So, i guess I will just write about some stuff for now haha. Well lately I miss kisses, is that strange? lol idk. I just miss kissing someone, honestly doesn’t matter who either. I just need a kiss!! But anyway, summer is good, I went parasailing, it was awesome! But gotta start working again soon…

All for now.